Before going to meet a friend, I said a prayer on the way asking God to guide our conversation. This person was going through a traumatic event and I desired God’s help. I’m not sure if the result of our meeting was the hand of God or another, but it was eye opening nevertheless. At the end of our time together I felt like I had been sucker punched. All I wanted to do was get into my car unnoticed so I could grieve and process what just happened. I had been rejected by a friend.
I cannot recall having such intense emotions running through my being since grade school. I was bewildered at first, although not surprised by the feelings expressed. I kept replaying the conversation, combing over the last year and what I could have done better, then anger would set in. Ultimately, I accepted the outcome of our meeting, and walked away with greater clarity about myself and friendship.
This was not the first time I had been hurt by a friend or that I had hurt someone, but this time was different. I needed to understand what went wrong and how to avoid this in the future. As tough as the situation had been I came to the conclusion that if I had to do it all over again, I would likely make the same decisions even if I knew it would come to this moment.
We often think of our friends, especially the ones we keep the closest with warm fuzzy feelings. They are the people you have a lot in common with, good camaraderie and lots of laughter. The ones you know will have your back in times of trouble...but what does it mean to have one’s back? The Bible shares a lot of wisdom in this area. As followers of God we are admonished to carry one another's burdens (Gal 6:2) and even to lay down your lives for one another (Jn 15:13). These are no light requests, and often times can lead us down hard and bumpy roads.
As Iron Sharpens Iron, so One Person Sharpens Another. Proverbs 27:17
When we think of having someones back we often have the image of jumping into a fist fight in order to help defend. This isn’t necessarily the image I seek to portray or the instruction found in scripture. It is of a friend standing in the way and sometimes having to shove one back in order to avoid larger consequences. The book of Proverbs wisely shares that, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” These wounds sometimes comes intentionally or unintentionally but always for the purpose of good. We see this lived out in the example of our Savior. Christ came to confront the evil of our hearts and in this world, yet still offers us the redemption we could not bring about for ourselves, all in the motivation of love.
It’s true, without a standard outside of ourselves, we do not always know if we are going in the right direction. The responsibility of friendship can be a fun and gratifying experience, but also one that can be fraught with the growing pains of maturity and humility in love. Life is hard and pain an unwelcome companion, but part of the fertilizer for growth. This is why given the choice, I would not have chosen a different path in order to avoid the pain of rejection, because a true friend wounds in order to heal, but it is up to you how you will respond...
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