At the age of 20, after graduating Bible college, I received my Minister’s License. At the time I thought it was a cool bonus prize, but I don’t remember caring much especially when the bill came to renew the following year. I took a pass, and had not looked back much since. Although, it might not have seemed obvious to those around me, at the time I did not have much ambition towards formal ministry.
After Bible College, traditional modes of Christian service were not on my agenda. I continued to serve in my local church, but I no longer sought for my vocation to be associated within an exclusively Christian context. I had ‘outgrown’ that desire. Those thoughts would take a back seat as our family grew and an opportunity came to us that I felt totally unprepared for. A town not too far away was looking for a Pastor. We had heard about this position months before, but neither of us wanted to go down that particular path. One day, the conversation about it became serious and I knew in my heart, that God was going to change our lives.
I was told exclusively by my husband on more than one occasion that he did not want to be a Pastor, so how did we end up serving in this exact position? Overall, I was a good sport, but embraced the role as his thing. I was still trying to find my way. Shortly after, we had our 2nd child and I finished my Associates in History. I started to long to do more and I applied for the Bachelors program in History while starting my own nonprofit to help others pursuing their education. I remember one day registering for classes and feeling so depressed. I had no clue what I was going to do with this degree because I had no desire to fulfill the roles that it pointed to. Through a series of events and a semester break, I ended up applying to an online program that would accept my credits from Bible College along with my Associate to finish my degree in one year. In doing so, it felt like the death of a dream. I cried before going through with it, my degree would be in Religion and Social Science. I would be starting right where I ended. It was in that moment I started to say yes to God.
As much as I tried to deny it, I could not run away from the call of God on my life to serve His body. I am now beginning to acknowledge and embrace this mission as an adult. I knew from my earliest memories that God was real and He was always very present to me. I never really latched on to any one profession I wanted to do when I ‘grew up’ but , I knew whatever it was I wanted to serve Him. In high school I told my parents I wanted to be a missionary and at the time my mom in particular wasn’t too happy about it, but I didn’t mind. But along the way of trying to accomplish that goal I got sidetracked. During my time at Bible College I came to the realization that one didn’t have to be formally recognized as a minister in order to best serve God. He blessed us all with many gifts and talents and they were all to be used to serve Him. With this realization in mind I decided to serve Him outside of my safe context, the church. But it was there he was calling me too all along. I felt like it was a cop out to vocationally serve in the church, but the real cop out was not fully submitting myself to the God who knew me and what He purposed me for from before I was in my mother's womb.
After side lining myself for so many years I had finally stepped out of the way. Accepting my purpose I felt like I could begin to run with better clarity. I felt free to become the person I was called to be. I began setting goals to accomplish and being ordained was one of them. For me, ordination, like baptism was a public declaration of the call of God and my acceptance and submission to His leading. At 29 years, I am now realizing the true value and gift this ‘bonus prize’ is and trying to redeem the time that my 20 year old self let slip away. I am now at home in the center of God’s will and I cannot imagine being anywhere else.